Pillow Book

A week ago Friday HemisphereDancer practically threatened to remove me from the combloggerator if I didn’t post more often than once a week. So did I post more? No, I spent the week with my boyfriend and didn’t come near the computer.

Last week was spring break for Angelbaby. Since I couldn’t get the week off from work the Rascal volunteered to baby-sit. “Camp Jason” he calls it. He taught my daughter how to fish, how to make pancakes and popcorn, and how to set the yard on fire. And by “on fire” I mean, I came home from work one day and half of my boyfriends very large yard was black and smoking from where he and Angelbaby had set the leaves on fire.

Being away from home all week has me all disoriented. My apartment will be declared a disaster area if I don’t clean it soon and I don’t know where to start.

Posted by Irish Geisha at 09:32 PM | Permalink

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you. But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft. You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily. You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

Posted by Irish Geisha at 10:02 PM | Permalink

Unfortunately I won't be able to party tonight. Angelbaby is home and even if she wasn't- the Rascal has some aversion to bar hopping on holidays. So everybody drink one for me, and drive home on the left side of the road, I mean be safe.

May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.

CHEERS!

Posted by Irish Geisha at 06:48 PM | Permalink

I once lived in a house owned by a hippie. She moved all her furniture out but left shelves full of books. They covered a wide range of subjects including law, art and classic literature but most of them were geared towards psychology. The hippy gained her masters in psychology before she realized her depression would conflict with being a shrink.

I lived with the hippie’s discarded library for several months before I checked any books out. I woke one morning after having a terrible dream, went to the kitchen for a glass of water when I passed a book just eye level entitled: The Dream Directory, by David C. Lohff. I wish I could say this gem of literary burlesque changed my life. At best I can say it killed a few hours that would otherwise have been spent actually learning something. I rank it right up there with reading my horoscope.

So anyway, I woke up this morning ANGRY. I dreamt that I was being hassled by an Army recruiter. And when I refused to join on the grounds that I am a single mother, the recruiter opened my front door through which a child welfare services employee promptly gathered up my child and headed back out the door. My anger woke me up.

I’m not sure what the dream meant but my horoscope today said:
Your imagination could run riot today, for good or for bad, as you are likely to misinterpret something. However, you’ll be more decisive, so this would be an ideal time to invest your energies in some kind of artistic activity, which should keep you grounded!
Hippies. They are out there man.

Posted by Irish Geisha at 08:33 PM | Permalink

If I were a city official, I'd be the kind of city official you see on TV that gets her name drug through the mud due to a slew of unpaid parking tickets. Not that I haven’t paid all of my parking tickets mind you, I’m just saying if I could get out of it…

Yes, I guess you could say I have absolutely no respect for the laws governing parking in the city of Birmingham. You could say that, because I have no idea how many parking tickets I have paid since I began driving some 13 years ago. If I had to guess I would average 3 a year times 13 years would be what? 39. Give or take.

My favorite thing is when strangers with a superfluous concern for my well-being insist that I move my car because “You can’t park there. You’ll get a ticket.” In the past week alone I have been warned twice that parallel parking east bound in a west bound lane will get me a *gasp* “TICKET!” On both occasions I assured the Good Samaritans that they might rest easy knowing they have secured their place in heaven despite the fact that I refuse to move my car. After all, it’s hard to find a parking space within decent walking distance of my bank.

For the sole purpose of putting these poor souls at ease, I would like a bumper sticker that reads, “I’ve weighed the consequences and I’m willing to risk it.”

And just so you know, I have yet to get a ticket for parallel parking in the wrong direction.

Posted by Irish Geisha at 10:26 PM | Permalink

Have you ever seen one of those coffee mugs with a smiley face on it, only the face isn't smiling and the caption says, "Have a Day.”?

I am having a day. One of those days where I look at my life as a whole and say "What the fuck just happened?" As in, what the fuck just happened in the past 29 years that got me to this point right here. Then I look at Angelbaby and think how the hell did that gigantic cranium escape from my body? In fact I stopped just short of saying “This is not my beautiful wife!” Whilst pondering the matter I was continually on the verge of tears until I came to the conclusion that I will deem this month, March 2006, NATIONAL IRISH DROPPED THE BALL MONTH. This made me laugh. Upon further contemplation I believe to celebrate properly, everyone should drink daily instead of the traditional lushing that only happens March 17.

Yes, having a day indeed.

Posted by Irish Geisha at 09:11 PM | Permalink